Christian Dating With A Purpose!

When I was 15, I had just entered the dating game, sort of... Thankfully, God protected me in many ways, and I've never even come close to getting my heart broken. Infact, my few relationships (if you can even call them that) were mainly based on friendship with a label. The only reason I started dating had to do with pressure from my peers, because a 15 year old without a boyfriend isn't cool, right? Atleast I thought so...

After having spent years with a chronic illness, it has drastically changed me and quickly matured me in many ways. So thinking about going back to the dating game isn't even a part of my mindset. Not only is it not a part of my mindset, but it has been replaced with something different, as in something along the lines of courtship. I understand that one can date, marry, and live happily ever after, because my parents did just that. However, a form of courtship is something God has drawn my heart to, and I'm very thankful. One day, I hope to teach my children to pray for their future spouse and wait on the Lord's best for their lives.

So, I know the word "courtship" might sound really old fashion and can be defined in many different ways, but every once in awhile I use the word to give others a better idea of what I desire. Infact, I rarely use the word "courtship", and just say that I believe in Christian dating with a purpose!

I think if we're going to get technical, then the proper definition of courtship would be...or Ashleigh's definition that goes something like this...

A young man who is interested in a young lady shows no partial favortism towards her and treats her respectfully as a sister in Christ. Through much prayer and the guidance of his father and/or pastor, the young man goes to the girl's father, asking his permission to court her, meaning to get to know her better for the specific purpose of marriage, not casual dating for the heck of it. If the girl says yes, the courtship, based on communication, begins with two families coming together with the vision of helping, guiding, and protecting the two love birds until marriage. Ofcourse, the courtship can end at any moment if he or she does not feel the Lord leading them to marry, and they just go back to being brother and sister in Christ...The End!:)


(Highly recommend this book to those that want to learn more about courtship and the Biblical family)

Asking a father's permission to court his daughter sounds so old fashion because he's only supposed to ask permission for her hand in marriage, right? In "What He Must Be If He Wants To Marry My Daughter", Voddie Baucham says something along the lines of, "Why should a guy ask for the father's permission to marry his daughter if he has already stolen her heart??" What a great question!! I think the act of asking for her hand in marriage has become more of a respectful tradition in our society than anything else, and courtship is something found only in era's long past.

Also, a fatherly duty to protect a daughter's heart, is something that is rapidly being lost in our generation, because many dad's send their duaghters into the world and hope they come back with a good one. Trust me, very few teens are cable of picking a "good one"! I think parents hope their children won't have to go through the dating game drama, and will safely sail through those adolescent years, straight to adulthood, where they make the wise decision of marrying a good one! But what does a "good one" even look like?? How are we supposed to choose wisely if we haven't been given Godly role models, and Godly examples of Biblical marriage. I sadly know many, many girls out there who have been scarred by adolescent relationships, where they really could have used the wisdom and proctection of a fatherly figure.

So, as you may have read in my "No Desire For Marriage" post, that I'm content in the season God has placed me in, and I don't plan on marrying anytime soon. That doesn't mean I don't seriously pray about or prepare for marriage! If God's plan for my life does not inclued the gift of singleness, then I want to be ready for that season and know what a God-honoring relationship looks like. I will most likely be married longer than I am single, and courtship & marriage is an amazing testimony and ministry.

So, what exactly is Christian dating supposed to look like?? That's a very good question, one I am still learning about!

I realize that the details of courtship or Christain dating with a purpose (whatever you like to call it) are harder to explain, because I've seen it played out in many different ways. I've seen Christian couples who decide to date, but mainly in group settings or around everyday atmospheres where they can be held accountable for their actions. Then I've seen the other extreme of courtship as in, meeting one day, the next day get engaged, then married a couple months later. I've seen some courting couples that choose to save their first kiss for the alter, which can be terribly awkward (Witnessed the awkwardness with my own eyes!), or can be incredibly sweet and inspiring!:)

All of the little details that could go along with courtship/Christian dating isn't near as important as WHY two people are coming together and for what purpose? Being vision minded, on the same page, headed in the same direction, with a love for God's Word, and ofcourse, in love, to me, is the most important aspect of any Christian relationship!

Again, courtship cannot always be exactly defined because everyone's circumstances are so different. So chances are mine will not look exactly like the definition I wrote above, and I'm fine with that because God has different plans for each of His children. You can pray and invision how you would like that season in your life to go, but most likely, God will have something better and more detailed planned out for your life So trust Him with the pen of your love story, because He is the ultimate Author of your life!


So, what are your thoughts on courtship/Christian dating?:)